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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2008|11:09 am]
When I met you, I was just a kid.  Hadn't built up my defenses.  So I gave my heart completely.  Vaseline over the lenses.  Memories don't go away.  I remember every day.  I never, ever stop wondering.  Wondering if you still think of us.  I don't need a photograph.  Because you've never left my mind.  No, you've never left my mind.  I remember feeling like a ship.  Whose captain was too drunk to steer.  And you watched as I was sinking.  Waving sadly from the pier.  Memories don't go away.  I remember every day.I never, ever stop wondering.  Wondering if you still think of us.I don't need a photograph.  Because you've never left my mind.  No, you've never left my mind.  It's such a burden to carry around.  The vestiges of dead dreams.  And I don't want to make a wake out of my life.  I just have to let you go.
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2008|10:24 am]
my mind is racing in lanes that don't even fucking exist.
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2008|09:59 am]
I can't believe I'm having to post this
Why am I caring or even thinking of your existance now? Why did you have to go and add me. You've corrupted my emotional state for the near future and it's all for nothing. Why must you insist to remain in contact with me after 3 years? It's breaking my heart. We're both just so different now and I just don't see the point. But you probably aren't even doing anything really. I'm just a lonely girl thats feeling like a toy to men and you coming along isn't helping me deny this. I dreamed about you last night and it's making me weep. We were in love and it was perfect, just the way perfect love would be. Or just the way we used to be. We kissed and made love and cuddled and you loved me and cared about me. It's true, you were the only boy I ever loved. And I'm sure our pathetic just short of 4 month relationship means nothing in comparison to the love of you life, that phsyco beast of 3 years. We didn't even really fuck. I guess I really am a girl. I guess I really am emotionally attached to my first love. And just kind of depressed that I haven't loved a boy that loved me back the way we did long ago in silly 15 year old land. I can't believe I'm crying over this. IT WAS A STUPID DREAM. And it was a stupid hello. I guess you just wanted to remind me that you exist. Well good job. You did. And all I'm craving for is that you'll come back. I know thats ridiculous. I'm not the same girl I used to be. I'm sure you're not the same boy. And by god I'd tower over you by a foot at least. And all I really need to acknowledge is that I'm sad. I'm just lonely. I want a mutual love, and you treated me so great. You made me feel better than any boy ever had. You made acid butterflies flit around in my stomach consistantly. It's unhealthy to be feeling this right? I mean it was 3 fucking years ago. I guess it would just be nice to know you feel a little bit the same about me. I'm just sad.
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2008|09:46 am]
what the fuck is happening to me?
why are all of you stupid boys infecting my dreams and making me crave this...this love bullshit?
and why do I let dreams trip me out so much.
and why do I always dream about weird ass reality tv show situations like being on rock of love or the bachelor?
what the fuck.

and now because of this my mind is racing in lanes that don't even fucking exist.
it's really becoming a problem. I can't let my ridiculous dreaming rule my emotions.
I mean it is my subconcious, but it's also bullshit right?
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2008|08:25 pm]
What do I do about you?
You're the most beautiful.
The most beautiful.
I would leave it all for you so fast. We'd run away forever, up into the clouds, where the princes come from. And rainbows would fall from the sky where our love was made, to grace the world with such beauty.
You're a dream.
I could have never even known you, but I do and it's some sort of magic.
A magical presence that injects itself through my veins and soaks up all my passion and desire, my thoughts. I have such high hopes for you, you couldn’t let me down. And if you did I’d have to forgive you. You can do no wrong, I melt at your feet.
I rarely ever lust for love these days. Lust for lust. But I think of you and what you do to me, so easily, casting your alpha-perfection in my direction.
How can I resist?
You give me hope in the painful cycle.
Man after man after man after (wo)man.
"I'll never love again"
I've made exceptions.
But you're just a dream! And oh what a dream.
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2008|08:24 pm]
hot heavy rocks are nestled in my stomach!
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2008|07:29 am]
so last night I fucked 2 guys. 0ne of which I had met 2 minutes before it went down. I know as a female this probably makes me a..."whore," and I probably should feel sad and worthless and want to cry about it, but I just genuinly enjoy pleasing men. I smelllll trophy wife! (not to mention, I saw the eiffle tower, with another fellow! ha ha haaa). I've come to the conclusion that I can pretty much fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. Psh, it's a mans world.
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(no subject) [Oct. 22nd, 2008|11:08 pm]
nordoisthebest: your a beautiful flower
nordoisthebest: a dick sucking bowie loving flower

who dis.
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2008|04:48 pm]
i had a dream last night that i fucked megan hauserman from rock of love. it was great. god i'm such a dyke sometimes.
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2008|02:55 pm]
oops I did it again!

So now I know where I get my irrationality from. Now I know where I get my fighting from. Thanks mother, we're much more alike than I ever thought. I don't even know what to do. I can't believe I've done this. I can't believe I uttered the words. Violet is far too smart. I know she knows I love her but I also know she'll take this seriously, and she has every reason to. When I'm angry like that, more than likly I'm not thinking correctly, and she's so fucking smart that she can slaughter anyone just by having a higher vocabulary. I know this and before it even happens am afraid of it which adds to the crazyness. I can't even talk straight. When I think about what I said last night, in my mind it's "bldhfuesmdfsodiurosadghdjfhsudythghgdsdmf." The worst part of all of this is I don't even fucking know why I was so angry. How do I apologize for saying shit that I said when it was completely unjustified. I'm screwed. Unforgivable. I wasn't even bluffing. I just wasn't thinking. I can't even remember last night. I'm always oblivious. I wanted to be taken seriously and I was far from serious. And she knows it. But what do I do now. The second I got in my car I knew what I did was dumb. I can't think about anything else. I can hardly see out of my eyes. I guess what hurt the most is that she honestly believes that I do these..."petty" things on purpous, to piss her off. Why the fuck would I spend so much fucking time with someone I didn't like. And then tried to say I give back nothing. blllllllllasjdhkhfskdhfskdfhskdhroeirfsaoidfjalsdjaldhfsdughsdohgsdgfodjr;sdfjas;dlhfsaklhfskldfhso angry.
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